Friday, October 5, 2007

Why Does OJ Like White Chicks So Much?

I woke up today in sort of a Cartesian mood and so I decided to tackle the most challenging question I could think of. Why does the Juice dig the white broads?

At the surface level, the obvious answer is that white women are easy to kill. Quite simply, they are the easiest of all women to put into the ground. In fact, research has shown that on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 being "extremely easy to kill" and 5 being "if you try to kill her you might end up the dead one") that white women earned the highest rating of 1. Middle Eastern women received a 2 rating, Indian women got a 3, Chinese and Latinas both received 4's, and black women turn out to be the hardest to kill with a 5 rating. Several other recent data-driven studies actually show that you'd better be damn sure of yourself before you even raise your voice around a black woman.

However, I wanted to look deeper into the question of why OJ digs the beckies so much. I began to study extensive video footage and also read thousands of articles about OJ's life. I paid close attention to his clothing, mannerisms, tastes, habits, lifestyle choices, etc. What I have determined is that OJ is far more Italian than he is black. When you really do a close examination of the guy, you don't get "black" coming from him at all. He doesn't go to black restaurants, bars, clubs, lounges. He doesn't hang out in black towns (Chicago, New York, Atlanta), but rather he likes Italian towns (Vegas, Fort Lauderdale, Palm Beach, Brentwood). He never wears a suit in a color such as gold or olive, but rather wears black or grey suits. He smokes cigars rather than Newports. He doesn't drink Hennessy. And the most determinative fact that made me conclude that OJ is far more Italian than he is black: he does his killing with a knife. Now that's Italian. Maybe instead of Juice, we should call him the Big Ragu.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

OJ loves white chicks because WHITE CHICKS ROCK!!!! OJ knows what he's doing. Just look what he's been able to get away with.

Anonymous said...

White women beware: OJ's gonna kill you!

Anonymous said...

No one loves white women more than they love themselves.

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